


Little Miss Perfect

by JustARandomIdiot



Series: Gwentum Song Fics [1]
Category: Story Thieves Series - James Riley
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Underage Drinking, Internalized Homophobia, Little Miss Perfect, Songfic, but i rated it t just to be safe bc idk, its not much tho and its only implied. Its not actually written
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:40:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25486390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustARandomIdiot/pseuds/JustARandomIdiot
Summary: Charm Mentum was perfect.Charm Mentum didn’t cry.Charm Mentum got straight A’s.Charm Mentum was a top student.Charm Mentum was the Junior class president.Charm Mentum made good decisions.And Charm Mentum didn’t like girls. Charm Mentumcouldn’tlike girls.So why did she like this one?
Relationships: Charm Mentum/Gwen | Earthgirl, Kiel Gnomenfoot & Charm Mentum
Series: Gwentum Song Fics [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1969945
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	Little Miss Perfect

**Author's Note:**

> Things to note before we start:
> 
> 1) While this is a high school Au, this has nothing to do with the High School Au that I already write. That has its own story. This is a different story (and you should be able to see all the differences as you read).
> 
> 2) I’m an ace/demiro lesbian, so while I don’t get crushes too often, when I _do_ get them, they’re always on girls or fem aligned enbies. I wrote about my experiences both when I refused to acknowledge that I liked girls before and when I first realized I _did_ have a crush on a girl I was friends with. 
> 
> 3) I also wrote about my biggest fear as a lesbian. It’s not something I usually like to write about given my own bad experiences, but there’s a reason I did for this one.
> 
> 4) While I gave Charm almost no description in this fic (similar to how James gave her next to no description in the books besides having robotic parts), I imagined her as Korean when I wrote this. You don’t have to, though, but I did.
> 
> 5) I get to say I wrote the first Gwentum fic.
> 
> The song used is “Little Miss Perfect” sung by Taylor Louderman and written by Joriah Kwamé. You can check it out on YouTube! (And if you know the song, you should have a general idea where this fic is gonna go.)

_Straight hair, straight A's, straight forward_

_Straight path, I don't cut corners_

_I make a point to be on time_

_Head of the student council_

* * *

Sitting back down at her desk, Charm took out her hair tie and put it around her wrist. Her ponytail was becoming undone, and she needed to fix it. She felt her straight, silky hair flow between her fingers before she tied it back up.

Satisfied, she turned to check the clock on the wall. About eighteen minutes before the end of class. 

She sighed. Why did she turn her test in early? Sure, she already triple checked her answers, but now she had nothing to do until the bell rang. The teacher didn’t even allow students to work on _homework_ after finishing a test!

(Seriously, why did the teacher think it was a good idea to have everyone sit and do absolutely nothing after finishing a test?)

So she settled on fiddling with the fingertips of her prosthetic arm, watching the second hand slowly tick around the clock.

It was the last class of the day, but she wasn’t going home any time soon. There was still the Student Council meeting, and as the Junior Year President, there was no way she could miss it. Of course, the meetings always started half an hour after the end of school, but she still always made sure to arrive as early as possible. 

Eighteen minutes felt like an eternity, but class eventually ended. Charm wasted no time in grabbing her bag and rushing out the classroom with the other students. Contrary to popular belief, she didn’t enjoy class.

Well, she enjoyed science classes, and some things _were_ interesting, but sitting in a classroom with nothing to do was the absolute _worst._ Teachers who did that did not deserve her attention at all.

Except that she had to maintain her grade. Some classes she may not have cared for, but she was _not_ about to get anything less than an A on anything. (Less than perfect was already hard to swallow, but getting any other letter grade? She might as well die.)

Not to mention that she didn’t want to give up her spot as number one out of all the students in her grade. Logically, she knew that it really wouldn’t matter that much in the end. Logically, she understood that her grades and achievements shouldn’t be her worth. 

But her brain wouldn’t have it. If she wasn’t a top student, she was practically nothing.

Luckily, she _was_ a top student. Luckily, she _wasn’t_ nothing.

She was Charm Mentum.

And she had a Student Council meeting to get to. (Not really something she enjoyed, but it was better than sitting in a classroom doing absolutely nothing.)

She grabbed her textbooks from her locker, then made her way down the hall to the Student Council meeting.

As usual, she was the first to arrive, aside from a few teachers and school staff who helped overlook the meetings. They gave her some smiles and waves, which she returned with a courteous nod.

She took her usual seat, then pulled out some homework to do. Meetings usually lasted a while, so it was better to get her homework started now then later. Plus, Charm always found it was easier to work in a school setting rather than at home. (It always took a while to get in the right mindset when at home.)

She got a good portion of her AP Physics C done (a class she actually enjoyed) when someone else stepped in.

“Hi, Charm!”

Secretary of the Junior class: Gwen Terran.

Gwen usually arrived as the second person to the meeting. Not always, but it was more often than not.

Charm gave a small smile and a nod. People usually annoyed her. For reasons she was unsure of, Gwen wasn’t one of those people. She was one of the few people she could easily put up with.

Gwen took a seat next to her, smiling brightly as usual. Charm felt her cheeks heat up a little as she did. 

“So how are you doing? Anything new?”

Gwen was one of those people who was constantly happy, always finding the positive in everything. Charm had never seen her with any other emotion, and if Gwen felt anything else, she never showed it at school. In fact, Charm was almost convinced that Gwen was nothing _but_ happy. Those kinds of people usually annoyed Charm (and she definitely had experience with people like them, she had to deal with _Kiel_ everyday), but for whatever reason, Charm couldn’t be annoyed at Gwen. 

Charm shrugged. “Just the usual. Not much, really.” She wasn’t one for small talk (too awkward and shallow), but she never wanted to leave Gwen unanswered. “Well, besides the fact that Kiel wants me to go to a party with him.”

Gwen’s eyebrows shot up. “But you told me you don’t like parties!”

“Yeah… I’m probably not gonna go, anyway.”

Why had she told Gwen that? There was no reason to tell her any of that. Charm always found herself telling Gwen things she usually never told other people. Hell, some of these things she didn’t even tell _Kiel,_ and that was saying something.

“What about you?” Charm asked quickly before Gwen could say anything else. “Is there anything new with you?”

Gwen immediately launched into some story of something that happened while she volunteered at the library. Charm didn’t care much for what happened in other people’s lives, but maybe it was the excitement in Gwen’s voice. Maybe it was just the way she spoke. Or maybe it was just her voice itself. Charm didn’t know.

But she found herself entranced by Gwen’s story, absorbing every word, and not interrupting her once. She could listen to Gwen speak for hours, and she didn’t care.

Of course, they didn’t have hours. Other students came in pretty soon, and the meeting would start.

“I’ll tell you the rest afterwards,” Gwen said once the meeting was about to begin. “It’s pretty funny, and you won’t _believe_ what happens.”

Charm nodded, turning to the rest of the Student Council as the meeting began. But all she could think about was how she couldn’t wait for it to end so she could hear the rest of Gwen’s story.

* * *

_I don't black out at parties_

_I jam to Paul McCartney_

_If you ask me how I'm doing_

_I'll say, “Well…”_

* * *

It was loud. It was bright. It was overwhelming. It was unfamiliar. There were too many people. She was getting a headache. God, why was she here?

Charm stood awkwardly in the corner, rocking back and forth on her feet. She was out of place. She didn’t belong here. She wasn’t supposed to be here. She didn’t _want_ to be here.

Her hand was shaking as she pulled out her earbuds. Her chest was tight, and it felt like she’d burst into tears at any moment.

She hated it here.

She inhaled sharply. Why did she let Kiel talk her into this? This was absolutely the worst idea. She should’ve just stayed home.

Finally managing to put her earbuds in her ears, she plugged them into her phone and turned up the volume, tapping a random Spotify playlist she had saved. Immediately, Paul McCartney started blasting in her ears.

She couldn’t really say she was a huge Beatles fan, but she _did_ enjoy their music. Plus, it was better than the cacophony happening around her. So she let it play.

She closed her eyes as she listened to the strumming of the guitar, letting the world around her melt away. The music carried her far from here, away from reality. She focused on the lyrics, breathing in and out slowly in time with the rhythm. Within two songs, she had calmed down, almost forgetting where she was.

Several songs later (she didn’t know how many), a hand on her shoulder brought her out of “Let It Be” and back into the real world. She snapped open her eyes, pausing her music.

“Hey, you doing good?” Kiel asked, concern in his voice.

“Uh…” What did she say? No, it absolutely sucked here? It was true, but she _had_ agreed to come. Yes, I’m having the time of my life? It was a lie, but it was probably what he wanted to hear. Right?

Except Charm Mentum hated lies. Charm Mentum hated lying.

She pursed her lips.

Kiel just continued to wait patiently for a response.

“Well…” 

The party around her continued; loud music, loud sounds, loud people. 

She needed to distract herself.

Instead of answering, she changed the subject, noticing the red cup in his hand.

“Did you _drink_?!”

Kiel immediately glared, most likely offended that she had accused him of such a thing. “No!” He hesitated. “Well, it was just one drop, but that was all, I swear!”

“Then what’s _that_?!” She pointed to his cup.

“Root beer.” His reply came out with no hesitation, Charm was almost convinced he was lying.

Before he could say anything else, she nabbed the cup from his hand, taking a peek. Sure enough, there was the dark, fizzy beverage that he said it was. With a quick sniff, she determined that there probably wasn’t any alcohol in the cup. Probably.

Still, if Kiel really did have even just a drop of alcohol… 

Charm rolled her eyes, handing him back his cup. “Sebastian is gonna kill you, ya know.”

Kiel just gave his signature wink. “Nah, there’s no way he’d destroy any of this!” He motioned to himself as he smirked, Charm not exactly amused.

“He’s gonna blame me.”

“I’ll just tell him I did it even though you told me not to!”

Charm held back a sigh. Still dumb, but at least it was plausible.

“Whatever. But you’re not driving back.”

“What?! You can’t do that!” Kiel immediately whined, like she knew he would. Typical. “It’s _my_ car!”

“You should’ve thought of that before you decided to drink, then.”

“It was one drop! I was curious!”

“Still, you drank.”

“Come on, I’m not gonna have more, I promise! It doesn’t even taste good!”

Charm said nothing. She just held out her normal hand, raising a brow.

Kiel continued to pout, but after a few minutes, he finally gave in, pulling out his car keys from his hoodie pocket and slamming it into Charm’s hand. Charm just smirked.

“Do we have to go back now???”

She considered it for a moment.

They _could_ go back. Home was a lot quieter. It wasn’t bright. It wasn’t overwhelming. In her room, she felt safe. She had control.

Home was a lot better than this stupid party.

At the same time, Kiel never got to have too much fun outside of school and home, despite how he acted. Plus, they had about three more hours before they _had_ to be back home. She could probably put up with it for a little longer. 

Not to mention she didn’t actually like driving. Too much to focus on, and her prosthetic arm wasn’t really meant to assist in driving.

“I’ll give you one more hour,” she finally said after careful consideration.

Kiel pumped his fist in the air with a wide grin, a bit of his root beer splashing out of his cup and onto the floor. “Awesome! You’re the best, Charm!” Within seconds, he ran off back into the crowd.

“You better not do anything else stupid!” she called out after him, her voice being drowned out by the blaring music.

“I make no promises!” Kiel’s voice almost blended in with the chatter around him, Charm barely able to hear him,

She rolled her eyes again, pocketing the car keys. Kiel no longer in her sight, she pressed play on her playlist once again and lost herself to her music like she was doing earlier. She could do this. She could last another hour. She’d be fine.

She closed her eyes once more, sighing. Kiel owed her. He owed her big time.

Yet she couldn’t help but grin a little, despite herself. Kiel Gnomenfoot. She couldn’t live with him, and she couldn’t live without him.

* * *

_I was adopted when I was two_

_My parents spoiled me rotten_

_Often I ask myself, "What did I do_

_To get as far as I've gotten?”_

* * *

There were nights where her thoughts were too much.

They weren’t always bad thoughts, though. Her brain just rarely shut down, making it pretty difficult to fall asleep.

Tonight, it wasn’t bad thoughts. Well, she wouldn’t _consider_ them bad thoughts. Just annoying thoughts. Thoughts she didn’t want to deal with.

Thoughts about the past. Thoughts about _her_ past. Charm never liked to remember her past, but she could never control where her thoughts led her.

Her mother died when she was young. Very young. Too young to really remember her. Charm didn’t really have memories of her, aside from her smile. It was all Charm remembered about her.

Even so, Charm was content with just her father and sisters. That wasn’t to say she didn’t wish she got to know her mother; she did. But she loved her father, and she loved her sisters, and she was perfectly happy with just them. It was perfect.

Life didn’t like perfect, unfortunately.

They were in the car. She didn’t remember where they were going. She just remembered the car. She remembered her father at the wheel. She remembered her little sisters to her left as they sat in the backseat. Charm always sat on the right. The youngest was always in the middle in her car seat. Her oldest little sister (younger than her by a little over one year) was always on the left.

Their father was a good driver. He was the best driver they knew. But being a good driver didn’t mean bad drivers couldn’t hurt you.

One minute, they had been driving safely down the road, playing I Spy and just staring out the window. Next minute, another car crashed straight into the left side. Charm’s world went flying as she was thrown to the side, hitting against the window of the car.

She didn’t remember much after that. She remembered that everything hurt. She remembered a ringing in her ears. She remembered loud noises. She remembered strangers surrounding her. She remembered suddenly ending up in the hospital. She remembered doctors and nurses constantly going in and out of the room, always asking her how she was doing.

But she didn’t like talking to strangers. So she always shrugged. It wasn’t a yes, it wasn’t a no, it wasn’t really an answer. And she didn’t have to talk.

Another thing she remembered: her left eye didn’t seem to work anymore. It didn’t see the room like her right eye did. It didn’t see black, and it didn’t see darkness. It just… didn’t see. It saw nothing.

There was also her right arm and her left leg missing. She hadn’t noticed at first. (She woke up all groggy and feeling weird, and she didn’t even feel them missing.) One of the nurses was with her when she woke up. She was a nice nurse, but that didn’t mean Charm liked her. (She never liked strangers.)

The nurse was smiling at her, but Charm learned that she wasn’t happy. Apparently, grown ups sometimes smiled when they _weren’t_ happy. Charm didn’t like that. She didn’t like when people did or said things that they didn’t mean.

The nurse told her that she was in a car accident (which she already knew). She told her that she was lucky (no, she wasn’t). She told her that they had to take off her arm and her leg, because apparently they were “too hurt” to stay on her.

Then she told her the worst thing. She told her that she was the only survivor. She told her that her father and sisters were now in heaven.

Charm didn’t believe in heaven. She believed in death. But she refused to believe the nurse telling her she no longer had a family.

So she spoke. She wanted to see her father and sisters.

The nurse insisted that they were dead.

But Charm was stubborn. Everyday, she said she wanted to see her family. Everyday, the nurses told her in different ways that she couldn’t. 

Charm didn’t want to believe her father and sister were dead. But it was getting harder when everyone was telling her they were gone. It felt like she was clinging to false hope.

There was one day where it just hit her; her family was dead. She was an orphan. She was alone.

Charm hated feelings. Feelings were dumb. Feelings were weird. Feelings were confusing. She hated feelings.

She couldn’t stop crying. Tears kept pouring down her face. Her nose was stuffed up. She couldn’t see. She couldn’t breathe. Horrible sounds came out of her mouth. Her chest hurt. Her throat wouldn’t open.

Charm Mentum hated feelings.

The nurse (a different nurse) told her that it was okay to cry. He said it was healthy to let it out. He said it was normal to be sad during times like this.

But it wasn’t normal for _Charm_ to be sad. She hated being sad. Being sad was stupid. But she couldn’t stop feeling sad. “Sad” wasn’t really a good word, she felt sadder than sad, but she had no other word except sad because she wasn’t a grown up yet and didn’t know as many words. 

(She still knew big words like “volume” and “surface area” and “velocity,” but those were actually interesting. Big words for feelings weren’t.)

The hospital was horrible.

She didn’t know how long she was in there. It was _way_ too long for her. There were too many strangers. The room was too boring. Sometimes, it would feel like her arm and leg were still there, and she’d forget that they were gone. But sometimes, it felt like her missing hand and foot were being twisted, and it _hurt._

Logically, she understood that they weren’t there. The pain wasn’t real. She shouldn’t be able to feel what isn’t there. But she did. And it hurt.

The doctor said it was called phantom pain. Sometimes, people who had their arms or legs removed would still feel like they had their limbs, even if they weren’t there. (That was called phantom sensation, which Charm definitely felt.) Some people would end up feeling lots of pain in limbs that weren’t there, which Charm also felt. They were the worst. The doctor said that they’d go away, so she didn’t have to do anything, but it didn’t make her feel any better. They would sometimes keep her up at night, making sleep impossible.

Eventually, she was admitted from the hospital, bound to a wheelchair. But Charm didn’t know where she would be going. She had no family.

Then there was complicated legal stuff. Charm never cared for that, she was more interested in Minecraft and Hot Wheels cars at the time. But after all of it, she ended up living with an old man named Sebastian Magister.

Charm had met the man once or twice before in her life. She knew that he knew her father, but she didn’t know how. And she didn’t really care.

She hated him at first, because he wasn’t her father. But in the end, Sebastian was all right. He took care of her. He bought her some pretty advanced prosthetics for her. (Her prosthetic arm was a fully functioning bionic hand. She became _obsessed_ with how it worked.)

He also took care of another kid her age, Kiel Gnomenfoot. As far as she figured, they weren’t actually related. Kiel never knew his mother, similar to Charm, but his father wasn’t a very great person. So Kiel somehow ended up with Sebastian. She immediately hated him too, but over time, she grew a little fond of him. A little.

Charm didn’t exactly see Kiel as a brother. It was hard for her. But Kiel was still important to her. Ever since the death of her family, Kiel was probably the closest person to her.

Ugh. She was not going to get any sleep if she let her brain continue to think. She grabbed her phone from the nightstand and put on that Beatles playlist she listened to at the party. She adjusted the volume– not too loud, and not too soft– and soon enough, her thoughts went quiet. Her brain focused on the music instead, and falling asleep became much easier.

* * *

_A pretty girl walks by my locker_

_My heart gives a flutter_

_But I don't dare utter a word_

_'Cause that would be absurd behavior_

_For Little Miss Perfect_

* * *

Lunch had begun. At least, for Charm, it did.

She didn’t like the period that she had for lunch. It was too early for her to eat, as she always had breakfast about three and a half hours before. She was never hungry at this time.

So she packed a light lunch. Kiel always forced her to eat. (She often forgot to anyway, especially when she got so engrossed in something.) And she always ate with him, since according to him, he wanted to make sure she ate.

But first, her locker. She needed to grab her lunch bag, as well as put away some textbooks and grab others. It was better to do it now rather than just before the lunch period ended, since people seemed to prefer to get to their lockers later rather than now. Not to mention Charm hated being in crowded areas if she could easily avoid them.

The hallway was empty, most students in the classrooms or already in the cafeteria. There were a few here and there, most with their friends, smiling and laughing.

Charm didn’t care to do those things.

She just made her way down the hall until she reached her locker, ignoring everyone else around her.

After opening up the lock, she pulled out her Calculus and English textbooks. She had those classes after lunch. Not to mention it was easier to grab what she needed now versus trying to do so between classes.

She dropped her backpack onto the floor, zipping it open. Her textbooks against her chest with her prosthetic arm, she used her free hand to pull out her AP Physics C textbook from her backpack. She’d need it later at home, but not now. She could leave it in her locker and pick it up after school.

She shoved the Physics textbook into her locker, getting ready to bend down to put her Calculus and English textbooks into her backpack.

“Hey, Charm!”

Charm looked up.

Gwen was walking by with a few of her friends, a girl with red hair and pale skin, and a boy with black hair and brown skin. Charm didn’t know them, and she didn’t really care about them.

As they passed, Gwen gave Charm a huge smile and wave. Her cheeks heating up, Charm returned them, albeit with a much smaller smile and wave. She usually didn’t care for people greeting her, but it felt wrong not to return Gwen’s friendliness, even if just a little.

Was Charm seeing things or did Gwen’s smile feel different from the one she had just moments ago with her friends? No, Charm was probably overthinking things, Gwen didn’t think of Charm any different than the rest of her friends.

But Charm thought of Gwen differently compared to most people. Most people were annoying. Charm didn’t care for most people. But Gwen wasn’t most people. Charm cared about Gwen.

Her laugh was like music. Her smile was beautiful. Her eyes were bright. Gwen seemed to glow like the morning sun.

Charm couldn’t look away as Gwen continued to walk down the hallway, now getting farther from where Charm stood. She watched the way Gwen’s curls bounced with each step. She watched the way Gwen’s hands moved as she spoke. She watched Gwen’s eyes light up, her nose wrinkling a little as they did. She stared at how the hallway light shone off Gwen’s dark skin. She did her best to try to hear Gwen’s voice, even if she couldn’t understand what she was talking about.

Even so, Charm could hear the lilt of Gwen’s voice; the passion, the excitement, the kindness. Gwen was so different from everyone. Charm could feel butterflies in her stomach. But not the nervous kind. They were a nice kind.

If that made sense. Charm wasn’t sure how else she could describe the feeling to herself. Charm didn’t like things that didn’t make sense, like feelings.

Charm hated feelings, even to this day. Feelings were weird and confusing. She didn’t like feelings. She didn’t like _her_ feelings.

But she liked this one. She liked how she felt around Gwen. This feeling… she was more than happy to feel again. She _wanted_ to feel it again.

She continued to watch Gwen walk away, her laughter echoing down the halls.

* * *

_Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na_

_No, I can't risk falling off my throne_

_La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la_

_Love is something I don't even know_

* * *

“You’re staring at her again.”

Charm almost dropped her textbooks. She spun around, glaring at Kiel. He only smirked with a wink.

“Before you say it, I don’t like her like that,” she told him indignantly.

Kiel raised a brow. “If you’re going to insist that you see her as a friend, I’m going to remind you that Owen is your friend. You’ve known him longer than you’ve known Gwen, and you don’t act the same way around him.”

Charm could feel her face heat up. “That doesn’t mean anything!”

Kiel winked again. “Come on, make this easier for the both of us and just admit you’re in love with Gwen.”

“Not so loud!” she hissed through her teeth. “And for the last time, I’m _not_ in love with Gwen! We are _friends._ End. Of. Story.”

Kiel only gave her a look. Charm wasn’t the best at reading faces, but she could infer what he was saying.

“Why are you so adamant that I’m in love with Gwen?!” she snapped, slamming her locker shut. “I’m seventeen, I barely know what love is!”

She realized that she left her lunch bag in her locker, but that was no longer important.

“Yeah. Uh huh. You _do_ realize that the few times you spoke to me about Gwen, you sounded like you have a high school crush.”

“I don’t have a crush!”

“Why do you keep denying it?”

Charm only huffed in response. She wasn’t going to keep this conversation going, it was getting her nowhere. She yanked up her backpack and turned on her heel, ready to walk away.

“You know, it’s okay if you’re gay or something. If that’s what you’re afraid of.”

She stopped abruptly, her face heating up more than ever.

“No! It’s not that! Why do you— I’m not— I’m—”

* * *

_Straight hair, straight A's, straight forward, straight girl_

_Little Miss Perfect_

_That's me_

* * *

“I’m not gay!” It was the only clear phrase that came out of her stammering.

Why did Kiel think she was gay?! She wasn’t gay! Charm Mentum was _not_ gay!

Kiel shrugged. “Bi, pan, whatever else there is. Nothing wrong with those, either.”

He was wrong. She couldn’t be _anything_ but straight.

“I’m not– just leave it, okay?! Let’s just… go eat lunch or whatever.”

And with that, she walked away, not letting Kiel get another word in. She hugged her textbooks tight against her chest, remembering that her backpack was still open, but she didn’t stop to fix it. She found she didn’t really care.

What she cared about was not seeing Kiel’s stupid face. She wasn’t going to the cafeteria. No, she didn’t want to deal with him anymore. Not until she had to. God, he wasn’t going to shut up about that stupid conversation when they drove home. Hopefully by then he’d forget.

Her face was still hot by the time she reached the library; she was just about ready to explode. She dropped her bag by one of the chairs, slamming herself down into the seat.

Why didn’t Kiel know _anything_?! She _couldn’t_ be gay. She couldn’t be bi, or pan, or whatever else there was.

She. Was. Straight.

It was normal to want to be close to someone, right? To listen to someone speak because her voice was so nice? To watch her smile, because she was absolutely radiant whenever she did? To hold her hand? To embrace her? That’s what normal people felt, right?

But sometimes, Charm wanted to do more than that. Sometimes, she imagined herself leaning against Gwen’s shoulder, because it seemed safe. Sometimes, she imagined Gwen, smiling that smile of hers, brushing Charm’s cheek gently with her finger. Sometimes, she imagined them locking eyes. Sometimes, she imagined herself leaning forward. Sometimes, she imagined her face just inches away from Gwen’s, feeling the other girl’s breath. Then–

Charm felt her prosthetic fingertips dig into the skin of her arm.

Straight people weren’t supposed to feel that way.

But this would go away. Right? She’d get over these… these stupid feelings or whatever, then she’d be fine.

_You know, it’s okay if you’re gay or something. If that’s what you’re afraid of._

Charm pursed her lips.

_It’s not okay. Of course it’s what I’m afraid of._

Gwen was open about her sexuality. While she didn’t constantly broadcast it wherever she went, she wasn’t afraid to admit that she was a lesbian. She had a pride pin on her bag. She was the newest president of the Gay Straight Alliance.

There was nothing wrong with that, Charm already knew. Gwen was Gwen, and Charm wouldn’t change anything about her. It was absolutely okay that Gwen was gay.

But Charm heard what other students would say. When Gwen wasn’t around, Charm heard the names they’d call her. Dirty names. Offensive names. She heard the mean jokes. She heard the horrible threats.

Did Gwen know about that? If she did, she sure didn’t seem bothered by it. She didn’t seem to care.

But for some reason, _Charm_ was bothered. For some reason, _Charm_ cared.

There were so many reasons why Charm couldn’t like girls. The things people would say. How everyone would view her. Her reputation. 

Sebastian.

Charm Mentum didn’t like girls. Charm Mentum _couldn’t_ like girls.

With a groan, Charm buried her head into her arms, waiting for lunch to be over already.

* * *

_One night my friend stayed over_

_We laughed, and drank and ordered_

_Something about her drew me in_

_What? It's totally platonic_

* * *

“Sorry I’m here later than I said I’d be. Ready to finish the project?”

Gwen stood on the front porch with her backpack, smiling brightly as Charm let her inside the house.

“I mean, that’s why you’re here, right?”

Gwen laughed in response.

Charm wasn’t trying to make a joke– Gwen _did_ come over so they could finish their school project– but she didn’t mind hearing Gwen’s laugh. She loved Gwen’s laugh.

She wanted to hear that laugh again.

Too bad she couldn’t think of anything else to say. Humor wasn’t her thing. She couldn’t think of a joke on the spot if her life depended on it.

So she just let Gwen in, muttering that she needed to use the bathroom real quick.

After pointing out where her room was, Charm wasted no time in making her way to the bathroom down the hall. She locked the door as soon as she shut it. She didn’t really need to go, she was just making excuses right now.

Gwen was at her house right now. _Gwen_ was at her _house_ right now. _Gwen was at her house right now._

No, she needed to calm down. Come on, she could handle this. It was no big deal. She just had Gwen, who happened to be really pretty and cute, over at her house for a project. Yeah, she could handle this.

So why were her hands shaking? Why were her cheeks so warm?

What did people do in situations like this? She stared at the sink. In movies, they splashed their faces with cold water. So she did just that.

Except it didn’t really help. Because now her face was wet.

After drying it with a towel, she finally opened the door and stepped out. She took a deep breath. She could do this. She could _do_ this.

“Gwen Terran at our house, huh?”

Charm jumped. Stupid Kiel, always startling her.

“What do you want?!” she hissed at him. Her room was on the other end of the hallway, but she didn’t want Gwen to hear their conversation.

Kiel winked with a smirk. Oh, for the love of… 

“It’s not like that!” she whispered. “We’re just finishing a school project together! That’s the only reason why she’s here, okay?!”

Kiel shrugged. “All right, if you say so.” Then he walked away, into his own room.

Charm didn’t like the tone of his voice. She knew it implied that he didn’t believe her. But she was telling the truth. Gwen was only here because they had to work on a project, then she’d be leaving and that was it.

Holding back a sigh, she made her way back to her room, where Gwen was waiting.

“Sorry for the wait,” Charm said, closing her door. “Kiel wanted to talk about… something.” Charm Mentum didn’t like lies. Charm Mentum didn’t like lying. She wasn’t good at lying. But she also didn’t want Gwen to know the truth.

Why not? Because Gwen could be uncomfortable? Because it might make their friendship awkward?

“It’s fine,” Gwen said, sitting on Charm’s bed. Her bag was laying on the floor at her feet. “I didn’t mind waiting too long.”

A brief silence. Charm didn’t know what to say.

“I like your room,” Gwen told her with a smile. “It feels very you.”

Charm’s room was simple. It was painted a light purple (for some reason, she liked purple). Her window curtains were a simple white. Her twin sized bed was plain, sitting in one corner, the one opposite to the door. Next to it was a wooden nightstand, large enough to be able to hold her prosthetics when she slept. Her wooden desk where she did her work was in another corner. In the third corner was a small bookshelf with her Sherlock Holmes books and nonfiction books about robots, as well as a few Lego sets she had put together.

“Uh, thanks…” Charm tried to suppress her smile, but she couldn’t stop herself, her face heating up once more.

“So let’s get started?”

“Yeah, sure.”

Charm opened up her laptop, and the two of them got to work.

They had an assignment from English class where they had to describe the use of literary devices in whatever chapter they were assigned from the book they had been reading. The requirement was that they explained at least three literary devices in their chapter (as well as the effects they had on the story) with a powerpoint. Gwen and Charm had already figured out their literary devices, along with how they were used and affected the story. Now it was a matter of putting it all on the powerpoint.

Their work ended up bringing them to the floor, their notes and note cards spread out as they took turns editing the powerpoint.

“Okay, and you can take this slide,” Gwen said as Charm finished typing a passage on the slide. “You just have to summarize this paragraph and explain that it’s juxtaposition. Here, I can write it down for you on your notecard.”

Charm nodded, picking up her notes to start the next slide, which would explain how the juxtaposition affected the story itself.

“I can take the next slide and explain its effects,” Gwen continued saying as she finished up the notecard. “Then our presentation should be done!”

Sure enough, they finished up in the next few minutes. The powerpoint overall had taken them a little under three hours to complete. The sun was just about to set, and Sebastian still wasn’t home.

“So we’re done…” Charm simply stated, slowly picking up her notes. Why did it have to end so soon?

“Yeah…” Gwen was gathering up her own notes, just as slowly as Charm.

Honestly, Charm was a little upset that Gwen had to go so soon. She wished Gwen could stay just a little longer. She loved Gwen’s presence, but Charm couldn’t think of any excuse to ask Gwen to stay.

Her notes all in her hands, she reached over to close her laptop and place it back on her desk.

“Oh, let me do that for you.”

Gwen reached out to do the same.

“No, it’s fine, I—”

Both of them closed the laptop, Gwen’s hand landing on top of Charm’s.

Gwen was touching her hand. _Gwen was touching her hand._

Charm felt her heart do something in her chest. Was her heart fluttering? Was this how it felt?

After several moments, Gwen quickly pulled her hand away, turning her head to the side. Was she trying to hide her smile?

Both girls slowly stood up, Charm placing her laptop down at her desk. She tapped against her prosthetic arm awkwardly, pursing her lips. “So you have to go…”

Gwen rocked back and forth on her feet. She didn’t answer right away. “I don’t _have_ to go now,” she began. “I mean, I _could_ stay for a little longer…”

“Are you sure? I don’t wanna keep you here.”

“Oh, don’t worry. I’d _love_ to stay with you!”

* * *

_That night was so exciting_

_Her smirks were so enticing_

_Hours speed by like seconds_

_Then, what happens is iconic_

* * *

“Do you have any food? I’m kinda hungry!”

“Er, not really. I mean, there’s bread in the fridge, but not much else. Grocery shopping is tomorrow. Plus, I wasn’t expecting you to stay for dinner…”

“That’s all right, we can just order a pizza then!” Gwen whipped out her cell phone before Charm could say anything, dialing a pizza place. “Oh wait, what kind of pizza do you want?”

“You don’t have to— I mean, Sebastian won’t be happy if—”

“Charm. I’ll pay for it.” Gwen gave her a gentle smile. “You don’t have to pay me back. It’s my treat!”

Charm couldn’t refuse that face. Ugh, why was she so cute?!

“Just cheese is… cheese is fine,” she managed to mumble, trying to ignore how pretty Gwen was.

Gwen nodded, then pressed the call button. Charm wasn’t really paying attention to Gwen’s call. Instead, she was watching the dark curls of Gwen’s hair bounce. She was watching Gwen’s free hand move around as she spoke. She was watching the smile that never seemed to leave Gwen’s face.

“Okay, pizza will be here in about ten minutes,” Gwen said, shoving her phone in her pocket. 

Charm just nodded, not saying a word.

Why was Gwen being so nice? She really didn’t have to do this.

“Where’s your bathroom? I really need to go right now.”

Charm pointed down the hall where it was, Gwen leaving her room. As the bathroom door clicked shut, Kiel came by, leaning against the wall across Charm’s door.

“So. She’s only here to do a project?” he asked with a smirk. “That you guys finished like five minutes ago?”

“ _Kiel, shut up!_ ” she hissed at him. “Not so loud!”

Kiel was messing with her, she knew. He probably wouldn’t tell Gwen straight up about what he thought, but she still didn’t want to take those chances.

He raised his hands in defense. “Hey, I’m only repeating what you told me earlier.”

Charm had no response. The most she could do was grit her teeth and give him a rude gesture. Which Kiel only laughed at.

Soon, they heard the sound of the toilet flushing, the faucet running for about half a minute, then Gwen came back out of the bathroom. “Hey, Kiel!” she greeted him, returning to Charm’s room. She was clearly oblivious to the conversation he and Charm just had.

Kiel nodded in return. “Just letting you guys know,” he said, “I think there’s still some Sprite in the fridge, if you want it with your pizza. I heard you guys ordering.”

Gwen’s eyes lit up even more, if that was even possible. “Oh, that’s _perfect_!” she said excitedly. “Come on, Charm, let’s get some!”

Gwen made her way to where the kitchen was. Charm didn’t follow her right away.

Instead, she turned to Kiel, glaring. “Just _what_ are you playing at?!” she demanded softly.

Kiel only shrugged. “Hey, if you want to spend more time with her, I’m just trying to help you.”

“ _I don’t–_ ” But Charm couldn’t deny it. She _did_ want to spend more time with Gwen.

But wasn’t it just in a platonic way?

She couldn’t answer that for certain anymore.

Kiel winked. “Well, have fun on your date!”

She watched him walk away into his room without another word. She wanted to yell at him that it wasn’t a date. So why wasn’t she saying anything? Was this a date?

There was a part of her that wanted it to be.

Did she like Gwen? She didn’t know.

Charm Mentum hated lies. Charm Mentum hated lying. But had she been lying to herself this whole time?

“Charm, you coming?” Gwen called from the kitchen.

She stood there for a moment longer before going.

* * *

_She takes a sip, I bite my lip_

_She tells a joke, I nearly choke_

* * *

Charm almost dropped her cup as she coughed up her soda.

“Oh my gosh! Are you okay???”

Worried, Gwen patted Charm’s back with her free hand.

“I’m fine,” she managed to say between coughs.

Stupid joke, making her laugh. The joke wasn’t even that funny, Charm had heard it plenty of times before. (Kiel told it to her _way_ too often.) But for some reason, when _Gwen_ had told it, she found it hilarious.

“You sure?”

“Y-yeah.” She tried to smile, but it probably looked weird. Charm wasn’t used to smiling too often. “Just went down the wrong pipe.”

At least Gwen seemed satisfied with that answer. She turned back to her pizza, taking another bite.

Charm bit into her own slice as well, hoping she looked… well, normal. At least, normal for her.

Should she say something? They could do more besides eating pizza and drinking soda, right? Charm wanted to do more.

“You wanna watch something?” she suddenly found herself saying.

“Of course!” Gwen said after swallowing her bite. “What do you wanna watch?”

Oh. “Uh, I uh…” She turned away, hoping to hide her embarrassment, tapping on her prosthetic leg. “I’m not… I don’t think you’d… like what I like…” Gwen was all happy and sunshine and just about anything positive that Charm could name. She was pretty sure Gwen preferred to watch a Disney movie over a mystery.

Gwen only continued to smile. “Don’t worry, I’m sure whatever you’re interested in is amazing. Plus, your interests are a reflection of you as a person, right? And I like who you are.”

  
  
Charm had no idea how to respond. Her face only heated up a bit.

Gwen… liked her? No, she was looking too deep into it. Gwen probably didn’t mean it like _that_.

Right?

“How about this: we watch one thing you like and one thing I like, if that makes you feel better?”

And that’s how they ended up watching the first episode of _Miss Sherlock_ together as they continued eating the pizza, the Japanese adaptation of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s Sherlock Holmes stories that portrayed both Holmes and Watson as women instead of men. Charm’s favorite adaptation.

And she couldn’t help but smile every time Gwen commented that Miss Sherlock was so similar to her.

* * *

_She braids my hair, I sit there_

_Blacking out for the first time_

* * *

It was getting late. Charm didn’t care.

After pizza, soda, an episode of Miss Sherlock, and a Disney movie, they had moved back into Charm’s room. They were sitting silently on Charm’s bed, Gwen behind her as she braided her hair.

Sebastian still wasn’t home. What time was it? Eh, who cared? Not that it mattered to Charm.

She could feel the movement of her hair as Gwen braided it. The both of them were silent. Moonlight shone through the window, the overhead light dim. It was peaceful. Charm’s eyelids were heavy, like she could fall asleep at any moment.

“And there,” Gwen said softly, tying the end of Charm’s hair as she finished the braid. “Here, look.”

Charm turned around, Gwen pulling out her phone and setting it to the camera. She switched it to the front facing camera, handing it to Charm.

She stared at her image in the camera, Gwen moving the braid over her shoulder. A few strands of her bangs fell over her forehead, the rest of them swept to the sides of her face. Charm almost didn’t recognize herself, having never braided her hair before.

“You look absolutely _beautiful_.”

* * *

_Next thing I know I lose control_

* * *

Gwen gently took Charm’s real hand, interlacing their fingers together. She smiled up at her.

God damn it, that beautiful smile. Her dark eyes reflecting the moonlight. Her dark skin being lit by the dim lights. Her nose crinkling up a little. Her lips…

Maybe Charm was tired. Maybe she was too sleepy to think clearly. Or maybe she didn’t care anymore. She couldn’t say why she did it.

She wanted Gwen. She wanted her so bad. She couldn’t deny it anymore.

Was this how it felt to be romantically in love?

She leaned forward, an invitation. Gwen did the same, accepting it as she pulled closer.

* * *

_I finally kiss her, but oh no_

* * *

“ _CHARM MENTUM!!!_ ”

Charm’s eyes snapped wide open. Her heart sank to her stomach as it pounded on her chest. Gwen’s phone landed with a _thunk_ on the floor.

Oh God. Oh _God_. _Oh God._

She quickly pulled her lips away from Gwen’s, pushing the other girl away with her real hand.

What did she _do_?

* * *

_I see a face in my window_

* * *

At her doorway, Sebastian was standing there. His face was bright red as he stared her down glaring.

Charm’s chest tightened. Her throat closed up. Her eyes were stinging.

She couldn’t think.

She couldn’t breathe.

She had messed up. She had messed up _bad_.

* * *

_Then my brain starts to go_

_“Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na_

_No, you can't risk falling off your throne_

* * *

“ _You told me that girl was your partner for a school project!!!_ ”

Gwen had left a while ago.

Charm was sitting in the kitchen, her fists balled up tight against her knees as Sebastian towered in front of her, pacing in his anger. She tried to keep herself from shaking.

“ _You said that you two would be working on something for school!!!_ ”

Charm’s mouth was dry. She couldn’t speak.

“I…”

Her throat closed up.

“ _Is that what you call ‘work’?!? Is that what you two were doing while I was out?!?_ ”

Swallowing was impossible.

* * *

_La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la_

_Love is something you don't even know_

* * *

“ _I took you in as a child. I raised you, I took care of you, I gave you everything, and this is how you repay me?!? By becoming a damn gay?!?_ ”

Charm flinched. She couldn’t answer.

All she could hear was yelling. Anger. Rage.

“ _I didn’t have to do that. I could’ve left you on your own. I could kick you out right now!!!_ ”

She could feel her eyes beginning to water. She couldn’t look at him.

She felt like a child again: afraid. Terrified. Alone.

* * *

_Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na_

_You can't risk falling off your throne_

* * *

“ _You are never to see that girl again, do you hear me?!?_ ”

Charm’s heart stopped. Her breath caught in her throat.

“No…” It was barely a sound. It was barely even a whisper. She couldn’t even hear herself.

“ _Are you deaf?!?_ _Answer me, girl!!!_ ”

She hesitated.

“I…”

She finally swallowed.

* * *

_La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la_

_Love_

* * *

“I-I understand…” she answered with a shaky breath, tears now streaming down her cheeks.

* * *

_You don't even know”_

* * *

She stayed in her seat long after Sebastian decided to retire to his bedroom, still staring at the tiled floor. The house was dark. It was silent.

It felt empty.

Charm felt sick.

She could hear Kiel cautiously step down the hallway and into the kitchen.

“Charm?” His soft voice pierced the silence surrounding her.

He reached a hand to her shoulder. 

She flinched away. 

He pulled his hand back.

He was quiet.

“I’m sorry that happened…”

She didn’t respond.

She wanted to tell him that he was wrong. She wanted to tell him that he was wrong about _everything_. She wanted to tell him that _this_ was why she had to be straight. She wanted to tell him that _this_ was why she couldn’t like Gwen. _This_ was why it wasn’t okay for her to like girls, and why she was afraid of it.

“Are you okay?”

But she couldn’t speak. She couldn’t even look at him.

He stayed with her for several minutes in the silence, before retreating back into his room. Charm didn’t stop him.

She felt herself shaking.

She hated this. She hated everything.

She hated herself.

Her tears dropped heavy onto her arms, soaking her skin and prosthetic. She really shouldn’t be getting her prosthetic arm wet, but right now, she didn’t care.

Charm Mentum messed up. _Charm Mentum messed up._

Charm Mentum failed. Charm Mentum ruined everything.

And there was no way she could fix this.

* * *

_Rewind, induce amnesia_

_Deny the truth, that's easier_

* * *

“Charm, wait!”

Charm felt her body tense.

“I just want to talk about what happened on Friday!”

She never reacted to Gwen’s voice like this. Usually, Gwen’s voice made her feel light.

Today, it made her feel heavy.

“Charm, please!”

She just walked faster.

“Charm!”

Gwen’s hand brushed against her arm.

Without thinking, Charm shoved her away. _Hard._

Gwen fell backwards onto the floor. Several students around them gasped loudly. They were now staring.

Charm inhaled sharply. She didn’t do that. She _never_ did that.

But she did that.

She shoved Gwen Terran to the floor.

She didn’t like that she cared.

Gwen only looked up, her eyes wide with… worry? Fear?

What did Charm do?

“Charm…?”

She sounded so hurt. 

“Leave me alone…” Charm choked out. 

She didn’t mean it. _She didn’t mean it._

She didn’t want to mean it… 

Gwen slowly got to her feet, her eyes never leaving Charm. Other students had started crowding around them. Charm could hear their murmurs.

“...Can’t we just talk?” Gwen’s voice was so soft. She sounded so small. She sounded so unsure. She sounded so… scared? Was she scared of Charm?

Charm felt sick. She hated it.

“I don’t wanna talk!” She was raising her voice now. She swallowed back tears. 

Charm Mentum didn’t cry.

Gwen only stood there, staring. Around them, the crowd murmured more. They stared at the two girls.

Charm hated when people stared.

Gwen muttered something. Charm couldn’t hear it over the pounding of her heart in her ears.

“ _Just leave me alone, Gwen!!! I never want to see you again!!!_ ”

_She didn’t mean it._

_She didn’t mean any of it._

She wanted to cry. She couldn’t look her in the eye.

“ _I hate you!!!_ ”

* * *

_You're just confused, believe her_

_When she says there's nothing there_

* * *

She didn’t mean it. But the damage was done.

Seeing Gwen’s face hurt too much. Charm couldn’t stand it.

So she ran, shoving her way through the crowd that had gathered around them. Tears began to blur her vision. She didn’t stop until she was in the bathroom, locking herself in one of the stalls. The moment she did, she felt herself burst into tears.

Oh God, what did she _do_?!

Her horrible sobs echoed around her, only reminding her of what she did. She wanted to throw up.

Charm Mentum hated lies. Charm Mentum hated lying. But what else could she do but lie?

The truth was too painful. The truth was harder to accept than a lie. The truth got her into this mess.

The truth ruined everything.

Charm couldn’t breathe. Her nose kept running, her tears not stopping. She hadn’t cried this hard since she lost her family.

Now, she was losing someone else she loved. _And it was all her fault._

She fell to her knees, her sobs nowhere near stopping.

She hated this. She hated crying. She hated feelings. She hated _her_ feelings. She hated that she loved Gwen.

She hated everything.

She hated herself.

Because Charm Mentum was perfect.

Charm Mentum didn’t cry.

Charm Mentum got straight A’s.

Charm Mentum was a top student.

Charm Mentum was the Junior class president.

Charm Mentum made good decisions.

_And Charm Mentum didn’t like girls. Charm Mentum_ couldn’t _like girls._

Except that was what she hated. Charm Mentum liked girls. Charm Mentum liked _Gwen_.

Charm Mentum wanted Gwen.

But now she couldn’t have her. She could _never_ have her.

Charm Mentum could never love Gwen.

* * *

_It's never worth it_

_When you're Little Miss Perfect_


End file.
